What matters to you and your loved one?
A diagnosis of dementia can lead to many difficult conversations and decisions. It is important to ground these moments in your unique values and priorities. Values refer to what you believe is most important in life.
This section of the book will help you think about two sets of values: your own and your loved one’s. How might these values affect the type of care you seek? What will you do if your priorities are not the same? Who is in your “care network” that you can turn to for help?
By beginning to think and talk about these questions, you can build your own framework for making decisions that will affect your loved one’s care.
Knowing what’s important to your loved one in everyday life can be valuable when decisions need to be made about his/her care.
What matters to your loved one?
Now let’s consider your loved one. There are two ways to use these pages.
- Sit with your loved one and have a conversation.
- You may be at a point in time where your loved one can’t express his or her feelings. Think back to five years or ten years ago, what would they say or think?
What makes your loved one happy and whole?
This might be an activity, a place, a role you play or a relationship he/she cherishes.
What does your loved one need to feel safe and supported?
They might find comfort and security in a relationship, a place or even music or food.
What are your loved one’s hopes and fears?
| Hopes | Fears |
|---|---|
| These might be short-term or long-term goals that they are aiming for. |
These might be something they always try to avoid. |
What can’t change in your loved one’s life?
This might include where he/she lives or works or how he/she spends certain hours in a day.
What you and your loved one share
Complete this activity alongside your loved one. You may want to repeat this with others who are involved in the care.
Think about what beliefs, values or interests define who you are. On each side, draw branches to represent those ideas.
- Where do you differ?
- What do you and your love one share?
- Connect the ideas you share.
- Continue to think of other things you and your loved one share.
